This post is really just an open letter to my body, and anyone else who feels or has felt the way I do. It's me being vulnerable, and it's me facing a giant head on that tries to attack me daily. It's a way for me to stand up for myself out loud.
You consume so much of my thoughts. You steal my creativity, and sometimes I let you steal my confidence. You make me so frustrated at times. You've made me cry, and you've made me happy at times too. I feel so bittersweetly about you. You've been there with me through everything. You've carried me through heartbreaks, happiness, and you've brought me to beautiful places. You've seen it all, and you've been with me through it all. Shouldn't I love you? Because without you none of my life would be possible. Shouldn't I just rejoice in a body that hasn't failed me? Shouldn't I be so grateful for a body that allows me to be around the people I love, that it allows me to travel, and enjoy all of life's pleasures? I should. I should love you. But, I look at you, and feel like I'd love you more if you were different looking. If your thighs weren't so big, and your hips weren't so huge, and your torso was longer, and if you had one less chin. Then I'd love you. I'd love you more if your skin was clearer, and you were more tan. Then I'd really love you. Only then would I truly appreciate you.
But body, I've changed a lot since I've felt those things. I still think them from time to time, but mostly I appreciate you so much more now. I started looking at you differently. I started looking at what was inside of you. My soul, and my heart, and my mind. You carry my soul, which is where The Holy Spirit lives. You hold my mind, my favorite thing about myself. You hold that. And you hold my heart. You hold my feelings, my love, my memories, and my ambition. You hold everything that matters. All of our live's we are taught not to "judge a book by it's cover," yet it seems to be the thing that most of us excel in. I've learned to appreciate you. I've learned to truly love you. I've learned how amazing you are, and I'm still learning to live in that, but for now, I will continue to speak only good of you, and to look inward first. I'll take good care of you, body. I'll keep you healthy, and I'll continue to get you fit, so we can do great things together. Because I'm not me without you, and I wouldn't want to do life with any other body.
Love, Daryn Mae
This was a picture taken years ago, and I wanted to post it on my Instagram when it was taken, but didn't because I hated the way my thighs looked, and all I saw was me, putting my hands on my hips trying to disguise my curves. I saw just something I didn't love. I'm not sure if I ever posted it, but I am now. Because I'm going to love my body. In every phase, transition, and age, and I hope you will to.